Confessions of a Commitment-phobe

I’ve been called a regular guy’s gal. I hate shopping, don’t care about planning my wedding and prefer casual dating to being in a relationship. I’ve had three serious relationships in all my 27 (ahem, 21) years. For me, the idea of dating without the emotional connection has always been preferable. After all, I did say I’ve only had three serious relationships. They all ended badly, each for their own reasons.

I’ve done myself a disservice by taking the easy way out. To avoid commitment, I don’t date men I actually have feelings for. Whenever I have dated someone I had feelings for, it ends in disappointment. So what’s the point, right?

The point is that I have a problem with rejection. Who doesn’t?  I’ve made sure I rarely became close enough to anyone to care whether or not they want to see me again. This isn’t a rewarding way to live. I’ve missed out on meaningful experiences because of my fear of rejection.

While I do think I need to guard my heart, since it has been broken quite a few times, I need to realize that these past rejections are God’s way of trying to get my attention. Jesus was rejected so many at so many different times, but he still persevered. He knew he was going to be rejected and betrayed, and still he continued.

I’ve recently made two very important commitments. I’ve committed  myself to learning about who God is, and therefore who I am.  In this journey to know myself through knowing my Father, I’ve committed to not dating until I’m ready. And look, I’ve already learned about my own issues with rejection and God’s nudges to get me to listen.

 

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