During my dating sabbatical, I have realized I never set any kind of guideline for what I want and need in a partner. Therefore, default guidelines included being male and physically attractive. Subconsciously, he received bonus points if he had a girlfriend or a wife or if he was emotionally unavailable for any other reason.
I could launch into a rant where I list unattractive quirks I’ve experienced with my partners of the past. But, I’ve been making an effort to turn negative reactional statements into positive assertions by which to live.
While physical attraction is still important to me, I’ve found other important standards to seek in a future partner. So, here goes:
He will always consider my feelings. He will share my faith, values and spirituality. He will be comfortable with emotional vulnerability. He will be honest. He will handle my honesty and emotional vulnerability. He won’t be afraid to see me cry, but he will always delight to see me smile. He will value my thoughts and seek them. He will keep up with me, and value down time. He will be okay if we don’t talk or see each other every day. He will strive to understand and challenge my insecurities. He won’t shy away from taking risks with me. He won’t turn away when things get messy, difficult or intense. He will be reliable and understand his own emotional needs.
I could go on to come up with a list of more common needs that have to do with a desire to be healthy, etc., but those come naturally when compatibility is established. I’m more interested in the possibility to connect on a much deeper level.
So, basically, I might be single for a really, really long time.