I’m slow to trust. And slower to forgive. Amendment: I rarely forgive. And I never forget.
I don’t speak often about the poor experiences I’ve had with people who have let me down. Mainly because I believe everyone’s been let down in their past. But I do wonder if I deal with it differently.
I’ve had several experiences in my life where I have had to consciously cut ties with people I once cared about. The common ground these people share is their betrayal of my trust. I will admit I give people more than enough opportunities for redemption. Chances to apologize and move on. But there are those certain instances where the path of destruction doesn’t halt because the other person ignores the opportunities. As a Christian, am I supposed to forgive those and forget it all happened?
Should I say “It’s ok. We can be friends.” to people who have just dragged me through the mud over and over again? Should I wish them well? I certainly don’t wish ill upon them. But I don’t go out of my way to make sure they’re peachy, either.
I’ve always had an acute sense of self preservation. Besides the fact that I repeatedly give people chances for redemption, once I realize I’m coming too close to self destruction I have no choice but to cut my losses. It’s not easy, but continuing to hope to heal the relationship just isn’t healthy at a certain point.
Judging from what I’ve learned so far, I don’t think I should beat myself up for cutting people out of my life. After all, I do believe God gives and takes, and He places us in situations and in front of each other for different reasons. My problem is that I still struggle to trust God’s authority and give these situations to Him. He’s in charge, not me. And while I can try to forgive those who have betrayed my trust, maybe God’s point in all of this is that I’m not supposed to forget it.